you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
