She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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