My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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