Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
