Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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