I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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