Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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