Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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