the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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