i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
