I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
