You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
