just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
