p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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