saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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