I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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