I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How external is "for external use only"?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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