Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
