I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
