Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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