i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
