I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
