She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
