Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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