Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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