Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish i was in the wii world.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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