I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
