If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So much rum. So many feels.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
