ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
