I could make wine with my vomit
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
