your parents love me but you hate me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You smell like stripper and shame
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
