when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
