dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
