Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
