Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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