someone get that fucking seahorse.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
