I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
