WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
