we're blogging at a bar
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
