No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
