hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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