There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
