The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
