go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
