If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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