There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
