Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
