I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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