I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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