i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
