He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
