i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
