im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
