I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
