I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
